So today we have been waiting on the list for a referral one year and 3 months. I never thought we would be in the predicament we are in today. With all the news that we’ve gotten since last Friday, I feel so discouraged and have no hope that we will bring our child home anytime soon. This past weekend was very hard for me. I was angry, sad, disgusted, bitter and very selfish. I basically had myself another pity party. This adoption is one of the hardest things I’ve ever dealt with. I know in the end (if we ever get there) will make all of the bad go away. I do pray for that day. We’ve have had 4 miscarriages in the past few years. I’ve said this before, this adoption has been harder that any miscarriage that I’ve had. When you finally got that test that says you’re pregnant, you are filled with happiness and tears of joy. When you start to loose the pregnancy you start to grieve for the loss of that child. We are once again in the process of grieving the loss of another child. I did not go to Church on Sunday because I knew my brother and his wife were announcing their pregnancy. I am happy for them but I just could not be happy at that moment. I did not want to pretend to be happy. At that moment I was ashamed for being so selfish but it was the way I felt. I do want to say this I am happy for them, I was just feeling sorry for myself that day. I do feel a whole lot better. I am still sad and still feel a void but I do hope that void will one day be replaced with my Son from Vietnam. I pray for all the families that are so close to having a referral. I immediately thought of my friend Melanie who has been waiting over 700 days. It has to be so hard but she still manages to be encouraging to others. She is an amazing woman.

We decided a couple of months ago to see another Fertility Specialist for a second opinion. With the first doctor we went through a whole bunch of testing. We did find out that I have one blocked fallopian tube. This decreases my chances of becoming pregnant. But one month I had 2 miscarriages in a row-so go figure. But they still could not determine why I kept miscarrying. That doctor told me that IVF was our only chance of staying pregnant and having a child. The new doctor has reviewed all of my records from previous doctor and has done more blood work. He found that I have extremely low folic acid in my body. He said this will contribute to a miscarriage because it causes the embryo not to develop. I left the doctor yesterday with several prescriptions. I’m taking a prescription for folic acid, over the counter folic acid, a low dosage aspirin and vitamins. Next month I start on Clomid and will start taking progesterone injections. The doctor will also do several ultra sounds through out the month. Next month I might be a bear with all of the hormones. I’ve been on Clomid before and it makes you very HOT!!!

We all know that everything happens for a reason. We are praying that we can have a child and we are still praying for our child in Vietnam. My heart still breaks for everyone and I do continue to pray for a good outcome for all of us.

A Few Pictures---

We had a really good time on our trip to St. George Island. It’s such a quiet and very relaxing place to go. It was nice to be with my family for a whole week. It’s probably been 5 years or so since we’ve been on a family vacation. There’s not a lot to do there but I think that’s what makes it so nice. I think there are two restaurants on the island and few little markets. We went to the grocery store in the next town and cooked and ate in every meal. We found probably over a 100 sand dollars. Josie, Grace and Hannah would all get so excited when they found one. It was a good time for all of us. I’m posting a few pictures that I took. My sister in law Jessica has the picture of the whole family. I will show that one once I get a copy of it. But here are a few of the girls. Hope everyone is having a great week and enjoying the summer. It’s gone by so fast this year. Hannah starts kindergarten at the end of this month. Gracie will be in 1st grade and Josie will be in 6th. They are growing up—I can’t wait to add a rowdy little boy to the bunch.

Vacation Time

We are all heading out to St. George Island in Florida. We've never been there but have heard that it's a good place to take kids. The beach is supposed to have big shells and lot of little sea turtles at night. All 10 of us are going for a little break. It will be nice to have the whole family together for a week.

There were 2 referrals last week and we had a few the week before. Things are starting to look a little more positive. We are all still praying that things continue on this note. I am not sure if we will get an update today or not since it's a holiday week. We are now at number 72 on the list.